ripplemaker
Rest was one of my deepest heart’s desires…
At the beginning of this year I dated God in a hotel overlooking the beautiful Taal Volcano. It’s a yearly tradition for me to get away from the busy city and just spend quite time with Him. There I cried to God to give me a Spirit-filled rest. And I was never wrong in coming to Him. Under the sheets in a cold room, amidst the Christian song ‘Lord of Lords’, I surrendered all issues of my heart until I fell asleep.
The next morning I felt that the heaviness in my heart was lifted. I was expectant. I was excited about God’s response to my sadness about love, family and career. I believe that all of us care so much about these three aspects of life. If one goes wrong, then our faith is surely tested. Let me share with you how concerned God is in my life and how he has been moulding this faith since we started our relationship.
God is the God of relationships. The first prayer item that I brought him that day was to remove a feeling for a guy whom I rejected a few years ago. He was witty, passionate for kids and thoughtful — qualities that my heart has been looking for in a potential partner. He was persistent but I was not ready for a relationship that time. I asked him to wait. But he couldn’t do so, and so he found someone else and now he’s preparing for their wedding. I had to admit to God that I was bitter. I blamed myself for not even trying to welcome this guy.
But you know what? God knows how to stop the pity-party. He just gave me the verses that assure me that I am loved by Him, that I am special and that I would never be alone (Psalm 139:13-14, Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 34:18).
The second prayer item that I asked God to bless me with is a family whose heart belongs to Him. For the past nine years, day and night I have been praying for my parents’ hearts to turn to Jesus and that my brothers ignite their faith in Him. I envy Christian families who serve the Lord together. I feel bad whenever Christmas, New Year, Valentines’ Day, Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day come and I can’t greet and hug them in church.
Through the Global Leadership Center Personal Discipleship Course that I attended, I realized that my frustration is common to believers for that’s what’s written in the Bible (Luke 14:26-28). I was also reminded by our professors to check myself often — do I represent Jesus to my family in a loving way? I was humbled to see that I am still far from what God has been requiring me to become. Maybe, when I have reached the point of showing total gentleness and loving kindness towards them, that’s the time they would easily believe that Jesus indeed is my God and that He can surely be trusted.
The third prayer item was my career. During that one on one talk with the Lord, I entrusted Him my cares. I faced a big question that I never attempted to answer before. He asked, “Would you give me your desire to write?” I was ashamed. I couldn’t say yes.
It started when I was asked by the Children’s Ministry to be a part of the Curriculum Team. That time my children’s story was rejected by a publisher. What I wanted was to see my name on the children’s book displayed at National Bookstore. Even though the first publisher rejected my work, I was still determined to offer the book to others. Yes, I planned to put the book’s income for a good cause (like saving for my godsons’ studies). But the point is God has been prompting me to use these pieces for the original curriculum that my church wants to publish. My work will indeed be published but the copyright will be owned by the church.
Facing this dilemma opened my eyes. I have never admitted that ‘writing’ has become my idol. Now I should not ask God why my endeavours fail and why this has become an elusive dream right from the start. After confessing to God, I agreed to be a part of the ministry’s project and now I am super nervous on what would happen next.
I thank Him for saving me from myself. These areas of concern rob me of peace. When I learned to surrender everything, I get to know myself better. I get to see who I am in the eyes of the Lord. I get to see Him closer, and I tell you, I fell in love deeply. His non-condemning eyes, His sweet smiles and His warm embrace — these things are my reward. Bathing into Jesus’ presence is the greatest experience I ever had. And I believe my tradition should not just be a yearly thing. Each day, I can date God — because He is available 24 / 7.
To Him who doesn’t sleep nor slumber to watch over me, to Him who has promised to do things beyond my wildest imagination, to Jesus Christ, the Lover of my Soul and my Rest-Provider — I give glory and honour and praise! :)
